The Missing Link in Hip Hop

Rap lyrics used to be reserved for cars, bitches, and guns. Now rappers are socially conscious, seemingly extra terrestrial, and attaining higher and higher levels of celebrity status. They're rapping about everything under the sun, collaborating with the math-rock bands of my not so ancient youth, and praising education. At least all my favorite rappers are still getting arrested.

However, there's a few subjects that are not being preached by most rappers right now, which is slightly disheartening. First, the existence of pre cum. It's a huge part of society, it's discussed in health classes, and the STD-afflicted community couldn't be more familiar with the topic. Since rappers love rhyming about sex and its aftermath, shouldn't pre cum be involved? Even romantic lyrics about pouring wine and candle light could hint at the appearance of pre cum. It also rhymes with rum, if the rapper wanted to profess how "drizzy" they were for the occasion.

This is too good to be sleeping on, weezy.

Second, rappers seem to be increasingly concerned with the gossip media. If rap lyrics can discuss the Kardashians, why can't they discuss the Jennifer Anniston Will Die Alone phenomenon? It's just as appealing and she's always crying alone in cars. Perhaps a rap ballad featuring Alicia Keyes or Mary J could touch on the subject? It would make a great music video and could even get you that coveted spot on the next romantic comedy soundtrack you've been dying to be included on. Remember, Valentine's Day is less than four months away!

Oprah Can't Lose: Precious

The cinematic gem that is Precious is going to be the best movie of this, and possibly any year. First, we've got the African American Bonnie and Clyde, Oprah and Tyler Perry, backing this movie. The buzz in Harlem is going to be unmeasurable. Next, we have an Oscar worthy performance from Monique, Mariah Carey with no make up and a huge attitude, and an unknown incredible actress in the title role. However, most of this information is known by anyone who's been following the Coming Soon page on Fandango or Oprah's website.

More discretely, there are several other factors that will set this tearjerker apart. Underestimated icons will star, like Sherri "Star Jones looks like a female Al Roker" Shepard [the current day Jackee], and actresses called Xosho and Muggy [their real names]. Additionally, the cast list on IMDB actually bills a dog in the film, playing "stray dog." The dog's name is Camilla in real life, but sadly doesn't have a character name. Does this dog have an IMDB page? Yes. Do I? No. I wonder if appearing in You Tube and home videos can warrant an actor page. I would consider creating my own, but I don't want to turn out like Roxy Olin.

If you haven't seen the trailer yet, please watch it. November 6th can't come soon enough.

Vampires, Gays, and Roxy from The City

I like vampires - they're brooding fashionable, and pale, which you can't argue with, except for the latter. Gay men, on the other hand, are boy crazy, outrageous, and tan. This is pretty ideal. I love gay men in a friendship and non-friendship sense. I can completely subscribe to yesterday's New York Time's article about how to young girls ,unavailable vampires are the new gay man. You want what you can't have.

Almost completely unrelated, I absolutely despise Roxy from The City. She's something you can definitely have, but that you also don't want. She looks like Megan Fox after 13 botched face lifts and has a worse personality than Janice from Friends. After doing a bit of research, I found out she's a failed actress, appearing in nothing more than 3 episodes of Brothers and Sisters. She probably played a prostitute or troubled friend or a Girl in Bar #3 when she appeared on the show anyway.

Better yet, she has Twitter account, in which she discusses her carnival themed 16th birthday party and yearns to recreate it. Maybe she's bitter she didn't have a Bat Mitzvah, but it just seems like bragging to me. Also, I'm unsure if Roxy is her real name, but if it is, her parents had to know they were creating a slut of a daughter. I bet she had her name in neon lights like a Coors Light sign above her bed as a child. Not to say I wouldn't be thrilled to have that as a child or now. I can also guarantee that at one point in her life she was either a bartender, cocktail waitress, or phone sex operator.

I want her to get killed off The City in a slippery rooftop denim shoot. Even it it's staged I could still go for watching this happen.

Where is Vincent Young?

If you're anything like me, you have constantly been asking yourself what happened to Vincent Young. You may remember him as Noah from the original Beverly Hills, 90210 series. He played the Donna Martin-dating, secretly wealthy, yacht-managing vagabond the gang picked up in Hawaii for the last few seasons. Through extensive study of his IMDB page, it seems Vincent hasn't had much acting work since 90210 ended in 2000. However, it seems like he's now making a comeback in the adult film industry, with recent roles in [the hopefully satirical comedy] Adult Film: A Hollywood tale and an upcoming starring role in Eagles in the Chicken Coop.

I need Vincent Young to come back in a real way. And in more mainstream America.

In the new reboot of 90210, we have seen several guest stars from the original series already. Clearly all-time favorites Luke Perry and B.A.G. will just never return and I'll need to deal with this, but what about Vincent Young? He was good looking, troubled, and sleeping with everyone. He even had a drinking problem, which he can use to educate the new cast of kids. He is the perfect candidate for a guest role and will probably work for little to no money. What about casting him as the drivers ed teacher or the as the cashier at the pizza place they all go to?

Please CW, bring him back. You saved so much money from cutting off Mischa Barton's heroin addiction and you know Vampire Diaries isn't going anywhere.

Either way, I'll be tracking his career and would still contract scarlet fever to meet him.

Welcome and Shalom

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If you like Texts From Last Night, the New York Times wedding section, Purple Diary, Google images [in general], or sadly enough, the sale section at Banana Republic, then this blog is for you.